Spinning & Turning & Alas, Pausing
Distractions
So here I am – after almost two years since starting this website— I have completed my Holistic Nutritionist Certification, my Health & Wellness Coaching Certification, a second Ministerial Ordination, various Counseling and Facilitator courses (see my profile here: https://www.pathwaysoflight.org/minister_profiles/detail/rev-maureen-yarbrough), I made personal records in my races (5K, Half Marathon) and trained and ran (well, walked the last ten miles) my first Marathon. Now I am training for my second Marathon which will be in Maryland the first week in April! It is very apparent as to why I have not written much!
I am in still in the contemplation stage as to which direction to go and absolutely trust it will be revealed to me. I am showing up here as a part of that process. I have neglected my writing while completing all of the above, working a full time job, as well as taking care of six adorable bulldogs, and being an awesome wife…Oh, yeah, we added to our brood! Watson joined us last June and he’s a handful! Typical boy! He’s a truck…just pushes into whomever is in his way and plows them down. Freddie and I have both almost had our legs pushing out from beneath us from this little (in age only) boy!
What is it I am meant to do? Not continually distract myself so I do not have have time to do what I am meant to do, I know that. It is amusing to witness how I busy myself with education, shopping, etc., to avoid moving forward. My fear/ego, no doubt…trying to stop my shine! Heehee. Since I started to type this several hours ago I have,1. played with my pictures, 2. ate lunch, 3. ordered glasses (not one but six pair), 4. finished watching a documentary on running, and 5. cleared out my email (umpteenth time today!)….seriously, that is nuts!
So, I came here initially (to my website) to update it to incorporate all that I want to “do” (services I want to offer) thinking that in doing so it will all blend and vibe, revealing my true destiny. I have been chatting about it with my husband and he said, “don’t change the name” (when I suggested doing so by possibly adding “minister”), then he added, “no one trusts ministers”, and proceeded to tell me a horrific story that was in the news that reflected ministers abusing the trust of the their trusted followers. So, uh, I do not make it a habit to watch the news on a regular basis, and this is why. It is a small percent that makes it ugly for the rest.
I picture myself at a booth with the signs, “End of Life Doula”, “Celebrant (Life and Death) Officiant, Mistrial Counseling with a focus on Inner Child, Inner Wisdom, Spiritual Awakening, and Relationships”, “Therapist is In” (similar to Lucy in Charlie Brown)—of course, I am NOT a therapist, and would never try to pretend that I am, but I assist my clients to find the answers within…a bit like an unpeeling of an onion, it’s a beautiful thing as the layers are removed. Nevertheless, titles continue, “Holistic Nutritionist”, “Health & Wellness Coach”, “Athlete”, with a focus on running…so, it’s Spirit vs. Ego, but it’s not…it is more aligned with how focusing on LIVING OUT LOUD guided by Love we are more connected to Spirit, to Shining and less engaged to the ego! Does that make sense? If I am speaking to Holy Spirit throughout the day, with each morsel I put in my mouth and each step I take, that is not ego driven. However, being human it is truly impossible to be this way 100 percent of the time but I will keep trying. I will sometimes catch myself when I make things about me versus community, such as a personal record over the unity of helping and inspiring others. Don’t get me wrong, we cannot be martyrs, it is okay to go for those PR’s and train alone, and do what I need to do for me from time to time for if I don’t I will be too burnt out to show up in the world as God would have me do so, but what am I doing the majority of the time? Is my presence resulting in inclusion or division? That is how it is revealed to me…when my presence results in separation of any form it is not of God. So, yes, it is very possible to be attached to this body and it’s fitness and help others, too, as long as I remember my Truth & be a minister to that, putting God first—Love-Unity! Ah, from an introvert, too. Ha!
Well, the good news is that I have clarity, the bad news is that I have no idea what to do with this information yet. What I do know though, without doubt, is that God will reveal more to me in His time, not mine. I will keep doing what is in front of me in consultation with Jesus/Holy Spirit and trust the process. Until then, I hope, pray, intend to show up more here as all unfolds.
I love you.
